I'm so disappointed in myself today/tonight. I took off work today because I had no finals and planned to spend my ENTIRE day writing that 12 page political science final that was assigned this past Thursday, due Friday. Guess what I did today? I slept til 11, read Rob's lyrics, sat on the Syracuse board, bullshit via aim with Rob.... laid around, more message boards, showered, took some pictures... then FINALLY got around to library around 6pm.
And what did I do in the library? Nothing. I tried reading, got through one out of three readings. I tried writing, wrote about 2 pages. I WASTED my day completely. I was just getting into a groove with comprehending what I was reading and writing those whole pages... and these dumb fucking janitors walk over to the garbage can next to the study cubicle I'm sitting at and they stand there and talk about everything and anything ranging from the gifts they bought their kids for Christmas to what they're going to clean tonight once the library closes. I sat there nearly ripping my hair out, I was so annoyed. I kept slamming books around and sighing really loud, hoping they'd get the hint, and they didn't. I even caught the eye of one of them and gave them the nastiest look I could create, and nothing. At least I know fucking Johnny is going to be really happy on Christmas fucking morning.
I ended up leaving at 9, thinking I'd get more work done at home. And really, where did that get me? I wrote a paragraph, talked to Rob some more, made a veggie and cheese wrap, and then Mayo texted me and now I really just gave up on this paper tonight.
Tomorrow I work for 6 hours and then once I get out of work, I have 24 hours til this paper is due. And in those 24 hours, I need to study for my environmental science final and take said final at 10am on Friday. I'm such a fucking asshole. And instead of writing the paper right now, I'm talking to Mayo about devils and angels on my shoulder, don't ask, and writing in this stupid blog. And now it's nearly 1am.
God, as if I didn't already do poorly this semester because of everything that happened....
And to add to all of this, I'm beginning to realize I haven't signed a lease for a place to live come June 1st for my last year here. It's still early, but time flies and next thing I know, it'll be April and I'll still not be sure what I'm doing. I know I don't want to live in Oswego. I want to live in Syracuse and commute to Oswego two or three times a week for class. BUT, I know I can't afford to live alone or else I'd just do that here and stay away from the assholes here. Fuckin' A. Who needs a housemate next year that lives in Syracuse!? I'm neat, quiet when I need to be, and I'm very respectful. And I'm not a real girl, I don't leave gross shit around, or bring dudes home or have bitchy girlfriends over dishing about boy troubles, nor do I have real boy troubles. Fuck man.
On the flip side of feeling like complete shit about my accomplishments tonight, or the lack of accomplishments I should say, Mayo is making me laugh.
I could blow my brains out right now and be completely content, and dead, haha.
Housemate needed.
[EDIT]: It's now 3:11am and I stayed up all night talking to Mayo and Rob. I definitely could have written my paper by now, or at least a REALLY large portion of it. I'm an asshole for sure.
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